Some people get ‘road rage.’ Friends of ours have just returned from climbing Kilimanjaro complaining of ‘zip rage.’ I, however, get ‘face cream advert’ rage.

I mean, COME ON! They are ridiculous. Beaten only in the ‘lame duck stakes’ by the inexplicably souless and expensive perfume adverts, those selling us lies on the tiny sides of face cream potions are 100% laughable. It’s the ‘antipepto-bismark-restitudes’ they put in them that really bug me. They basically come up with a fancy fake latin name for ‘leaf’ and add a chemically sounding ending… Grrrrr!

The whole western hemisphere seems to have gone bonkers for this psuedo-science. Exhibit A: My current shampoo bravely advertises itself as containing, and I faithfully quote, ‘icy pineapple and cotton extracts.’ What on earth is THAT all about? Since when do the words ‘icy’ and ‘pineapple’ work together? And, more to the point, why, on earth would I want them in my HAIR? That’s surely a Heston recipe gone mad.
Jon’s shower gel rejoices in the unlikely twinning of the ingredients lemongrass and seasalt. Come on boys! Think about it! Where will this end? Essence of mole and cabbage particles?

The additives in face creams promise us that they will defeat the signs of aging. What rot! Much better advice would be to wear a good hat and enjoy the wisdom age brings.

They say youth is wasted on the young, and wisdom on the old. The young want to be old and the old want to be young. (I guess that’s why ‘Hello’ magazine is still sold.) I’m 37. I’m honestly really happy about it. I want to be my age. I refuse to spend ï¿¡9,000 pretending I’m not and buying into the terrible rubbish they spout on the telly.
I’m not advocating walking round looking like a troll by the way. I’m a woman and I like to look like it and make the best of myself, but I draw the line at pretending I have no lines.

The thing is, I believe God wants us to be happy with the aging process. It is as we age, that we develop experience. Without reflecting on and learning from our experience we are not as useful to God as we might be. Wisdom doesn’t come cheap. It is not bought and sold over the counter. It is pretty much always hard-earnt. But I’d prefer it to acne and spelling tests any day.

Right, I’m done. Getting off my soap box now. (And washing my face with it’s contents.) Mmmm… Orange blossom and alpaca dung… The obvious choice.