Following on from yesterday…

I think children are under huge pressure to perform in our society. People expect them (at least in our circle of friends and school acquaintances) to be semi-professional in lacrosse by the age of 5. Not on my watch people!
I want my children to be good with PEOPLE. I am absolutely resolute that this comes first.
Here are some more things Jon and I are realising that help our children to combat pressure and stress from others and from the circumstances of life.

1. Teach them how to take care of themselves. Children will gain strength to deal with stress if their physical bodies and mental fortitude are in good shape. Remind them of the Biblical facts in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies.” Help your children take good care of their bodies by establishing healthy habits with and for them. Make sure that they get enough sleep, fresh air and exercise each day, and prepare nutritious meals for them. Help them take pride in their appearance and in the way they handle simple tasks. BUT make sure they know that even when they are snotty, foul-tempered, dirty or smelly, you will lavish them with unconditional love! One of my favourite things to say when things go wrong in our house is “who does Mummy love?’ Everyone has learnt to shout,” ME!” (even, rather amusingly, the builder!)

2. Worship with them. We are teaching all four of our children how to sing and worship with us. Sam now knows his way round an ipod and chooses his own playlist at deafening volume! All of them can speak in tongues – because they have never questioned that they can’t – and I encourage them to pray for one another regularly in this way. One of them feels ‘shy’ doing this and I have learnt to take things very gently with him. Another of my children asks, when things are ‘really bad’ for me to pray in tongues over him. He knows that something happens in his spirit when I do. One of the boys also sings in tongues without thinking about it and makes up songs for us.

3. Display affection with them and near them. Children are taught how to love by those they live with. They are given a model of relational living by their families. Our family is very far from perfect. We all get grumpy. We shout. We don’t always have hoovered carpets and sparkly teeth. But we are very real with each other and others. Each of my children gets hugged and kissed a ridiculous amount every day. They see me modeling that with them and with their Daddy, so they know it’s a good thing to do. They are very affectionate with one another. If one of them is hurt or upset, the others will wade in to sort it out. They protect and care for one another. (When they are not lamping each other… well.. come on, they ARE boys!)

4. Don’t hide emotion from them. I was brought up to face things. This has made me a very strong woman and almost totally unshockable. There isn’t anything I can hear that will knock me flat anymore. If I am sad, I don’t hide it from my children. I cry with them and tell them why I am sad. They will regularly repeat my ‘Bible truths’ back to me. “Have you told Jesus? Keep praising Mummy!” They will cuddle me, cry with me, bring tissues, flick the switch on the kettle or find my slippers whilst I blub. I HATE it when men are embarrassed by tears. None of mine are!
If I am happy about something I will explain why. They celebrate with me – even if it is nothing to do with them. Empathy is one of the best gifts you can give a child. So many people grow up not giving a monkeys about others…

I love parenting our children. I am sometimes rather rubbish at it, but I have very forgiving kids and a wonderfully consistent and involved husband.
In my very first teaching post and my inaugural parents evening, a single mum of five children walked into the room.
She said ‘I just wanna know one fing. Is my boy nice to have about the place? Is he kind and ‘elpful?’
“Yes,” I said, a little surprised. “He is wonderful to everyone.”
“Well, I’m doing my job then,” she smiled, getting up.
“You do yours. You teach him maths and science and all that stuff and I’ll carry on teachin’ him to be nice.”

A good point I have never forgotten.