I read recently that a blog is merely ‘graffiti with punctuation.’ In this spirit, I offer these random thoughts and observations from the past few days:

1. A twin given sympathy for tummy ache is 97% more likely to pass on their symptoms to their other twin, free-of-charge, within seconds.

2. If there is a small amount of drink left in any cup, on any surface, in any room, it will be upturned with maximum effect by a deft toddler.

3. Just because you have a picture in front of you of a child’s nativity costume, does not mean you can make that costume- even if you have all the right ingredients. Ben’s robin redbreast outfit looks more like a Peruvian market sellers’ poncho from the last century than any garden bird. I am genuinely sorry Ben.

4. Some men enjoy watching women struggle to get out of their driveways when they have parked ever-so-slightly across them. They laugh and point. They then turn away and pretend they were laughing about an old friend.

5. A dirty dishwasher won’t make dirty plates clean. However many times you put then back in.

6. The more people you invite into your home, the more biscuits and chocolate you acquire.

7. Sometimes the most expensive groceries are the best value.

8. A kiss really does make it better.

9. Threadworm is very unpleasant.

10. Threadworm medicine is even more so. It is like chewing the underside of a chalk-covered flip flop. Only slightly less enjoyable.

11. Children are grumpier in November than in any other month.

12. Knitting a dishcloth is a surprising and satisfyingly-obtuse stress reliever.

13. Attack comes an hour after encouragement.

14. Removable wall stickers aren’t. At all.

15. Recently cleaned floors = much muddier shoes.

16. Joy and silliness is catching. Especially amongst small children.

17. Peas left upside down and open in the freezer will always empty their contents at an unhelpful moment.

18. Attempting to wallpaper a utility room by yourself when you are too small to move the appliances is almost entirely futile.

19. Banana cake made with hideously blackened bananas is completely delicious.

20. If you buy your children an outfit for a special event in advance, they outgrow it before the event.

21. 100% of the children in my household have a pudding tummy. When really overfull from a main course they can always squeeze in a few helpings of apple pie and custard.

22. The higher the bran content, the longer it stays in the cupboard.

23. Celery can live unharmed, uneaten and undetected for months in the back of your salad drawer.

24. If asked if I would prefer a holiday to the Maldives or a part-time cleaner, I would ask for the cleaner.

25. I am more excited about Christmas than most 5 year olds.

26. Because I have no job and no “focus” from January I have thought about applying for such crazy things as a magazine columnist, a Child-minder and a family pastor. I say thought. I have dismissed them all…

27. A West Wing episode is the answer to most of my problems.

28. Spending five minutes praying sometimes feels like five hours of blissful counselling.

28. True faith isn’t never questioning God. It is really questioning Him, not knowing the answer and loving Him more afterwards.

29. Children remember things. Especially things you’d like them not to.

30. My husband is worth his weight (and mine) in very heavy gold.