I am reading a book at the moment which is rapidly turning my parenting style and family belief system to mush. Danny Silk has been in the background of my reading world for a while now, ever since someone told me about his “Culture of Honour” church philosophy.

Recently I went to bed early and decided to watch him on youtube and see what I thought of him. As I watched a short clip of him and his wife explaining not just their church principles but their advice for parents, I confess to being intrigued. I stopped the video midstream, went straight to ebay and purchased both books.

I am half way through the one on “Loving your children on purpose” which, I agree is a less-than-inspiring- title. But let me tell you something: it is beginning to drastically unsettle some of my pre-concieved ideas about parenting.

Danny speaks of how God parents us, not with an Old Testament model of “we sin, we are then punished” but with a beautiful grace that forgives and comforts us in our weaknesses. Parenting that follows this paradigm does not have punishment and fear as its base for obedience. In fact obeying is not the primary goal. The target for parents seeking to follow this model is the kind of relationship with the child where the child is allowed to be free.

I have thought about this for some time. I was brought up by loving parents. They did a great job. They told me off if I was naughty and they praised me if I was good. This was the model they knew worked. It still does ‘work’. But is it the way that God treats you and me?

I don’t think so.

You see, when I do something wrong, God doesn’t send me to my room or ‘ground’ me. He speaks healing and forgiveness and love over my life and gives me yet another chance to please HIm. Surely the way we are loved by God should be the basis of how we teach our children about love too?

Danny speaks of how parents are meant to be a “safe place” for their kids, someone who will unconditionally be there for them when everyone else looks set to ridicule or discourage or even discipline them.

I am fascinated by his views and am yet to finish the book. I have however, noticed the gentle promptings of the Holy Spirit as I have read various sections. This is not a book that will change everything, but I know it will hugely impact the way we do so much in our home. I praise God for the wonderful provision of such teaching for us. (Us who will have four teenagers AT ONCE in the same house.)

As I learn more, I promise to keep you updated. But for now, if you are a mummy or a daddy, let me urge you to buy the book and see for yourself whether or not his argument compels you to at least consider the place of the “naughty step” or, as we call it the “thinking spot.”

Watch this (rapidly becoming safer) space.