Critique
How good are you at receiving criticism? What kind of reaction does it bring up in you?
What about giving it? Are you the sort of person who can challenge someone well, without causing huge offence?
Winston Churchill said:
“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary.”¨ It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. “¨It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.””¨
Criticism is crucial for personal improvement in every area of our lives. We need those who have journeyed before us and travelled the path ahead to help us journey forward. Some of us choose to read books to help us find things out about ourselves. Others make themselves accountable to someone they trust. Others still regularly practice a “heart audit” to find out what is going on within. Perhaps you do ALL of the above. I know I do.
Criticism in and of itself is not bad. It can be a blessing. It can also be dangerous and damaging.
Years ago I did a short course to train as a TV presenter. After that I got a job on Channel 5 for a while as part of a show. It was a terrible, terrible show. One day, during filming I was heavily criticized by one of the other presenters. I shall never forget it. I was made to feel a total fool. She had a point in what she was saying, but she said it with such venom, and a weird mixture of glee and anger. I felt uncomfortable for days afterwards and even missed a whole show because I felt so bad about being on set. She was right but she said it so WRONGLY!
It is possible to be critical of others in a Godly way and to bring them real blessing and encouragement as we do so, but we have to check both our MOTIVES and our MANNER.
MOTIVES
1.Ask yourself, why am I wanting to say this? Is it for my benefit and to make ME feel better, or is this something God is calling me to do?
2. Check out what God’s word has to say on this area and pray into it.
3. Perhaps get someone you love and trust to hear you out on your issue to make sure that you are speaking and thinking in a loving way.
MANNER
How should you approach the person involved? What is most helpful for them?
How are you feeling as you think about the issue? Are you angry and frustrated?
If so, wait until you are not!
I have a rule that if I get a critical letter, phone call or email as I sometimes do, that I will not answer it for at least 24 hours. That gives me time to calm down so that I don’t have a show down!
The same if I know I need to challenge someone else. I wait on it and pray into it. Sometimes God takes away the feeling and I know it was me.
Whenever we challenge someone we should do it out of close relationship and love.
I have rarely taken someone to task in front of others. It is horrid and should be avoided, if at all possible. Once, when we were running a venue at Spring Harvest, I had to do just that. A young girl was giving her testimony on stage. It was a train wreck of a talk and seemed to be glorifying the enemy more than the Lord. She was laughing about her sin, bigging up her bad behaviour and making out that Christianity was boring by comparison. As the person in charge of the venue I had to wade in and seek to repair the damage. I literally took the mic from her. It wasn’t easy to follow what she had said but God gave me real grace to speak clearly without humiliating her. I had a long chat to that person afterwards and told her why I had been so unhappy with her talk. She was very angry at first but started to work it through. By the end of the week she realised that she had a lot of “un-dealt with sin.” Understandably she chose not to come on team again. I learnt a valuable lesson about how to mentor new leaders too.
Criticism is the most direct way to find out what we need to improve on. However, accepting criticism can be emotionally challenging can’t it? I mean, none of us want to hear bad new about ourselves do we?
It’s hard not to take it personally. Our instinctive reaction is to become defensive and insular trying to throw blame elsewhere.
Years ago I was a tutor marking an essay and the student was arguing her case with me about it.
“It was a really bad week. The subject was hard. The question was too challenging and open. The point of the essay wasn’t clear. I learnt this years ago and moved on”¦”
She was throwing everything at me except the thing I wanted her to see”¦ that SHE was the problem. She thought she had nothing to learn. But she was wrong.
We ALL have things to learn. God loves a teachable spirit. He loves it because He can mould it and shape it. Relying on Godly criticism is one way we can truly grow in the way He wants us to.
For a few weeks I knew I had to write a difficult email challenging someone about their “trash talk” of themselves. It was really hard to sit down and put finger to keyboard on it. I normally like to sit and chat something like this through. But God had specifically told me to write it in an email in order for the person concerned to weigh my words and think them through.
I found it really helpful to focus on this verse from Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
This was my guideline. It was wonderfully helpful.
I pray for you today that if you need to say a word of criticism ‘in season’ to someone that is tricky, you will minister to their soul, with both great motives and gracious manners.
Good pruning results in excellent growth spurts.