This week has been a real peaks and troughs kind of week. Maybe you have had a similar one. I’ve had some massive highs and a few lows. But I feel as though something is slowly happening in the heavenly realms for me. I feel as though something is being released and that I am developing and treading new ground. For a while now I have just been going through the motions..(enjoying life, but feeling a bit ‘hard-to-describe-but-sighing-alot’… ) waiting in the wings. Suddenly I am sensing things changing shape. God is on the move.

I have been very privileged to spend time this week with some people who have spoken so powerfully into my spirit that they have reawakened old hopes within me. (Note the word OLD… that is key.) One friend helped me dream bigger than I have done for a while and helped reconnect me to the things God spoke into my life years ago. For a while I have felt unaccountably discouraged around the edges. But suddenly there is a fire in my gut again. I’ll be honest. It’s small, but it’s started.

Then another friend came and blew me away with a prophesy over me that has enlarged my whole vision of my ministry. I was speechless. RARE!

To be honest, for most of the conversation I felt like saying ‘Excuse me? Are you talking to me? You do know me, right? You know why that’s the most outrageous and audacious path I could take?’ I am still dwelling on it all. But it smells so incredibly of… well…destiny. It wouldn’t sound like a massive deal to you probably. But to me its a biggie. Its about trusting God to do something rather far outside my comfort zone.

The thing is, I am very used to telling OTHER people how to dream, but I’m actually not very good at speaking that over myself. Not really. Not in the secret place of my heart. I doubt sometimes that I have much to offer, much to say, much to communicate. And then waves of mercy drench me and I come up for air and realise that even in the depths of my doubt, God IS SO LARGE AND EVIDENT. He uses my weakness, my vulnerability, my lack of knowledge almost as much, if not more so, than any of my strengths, my abilities or my competence. (I LOVE that about you Father! Thank you. Thank you.)

The thing that I am learning is not to lean on anyone but Him. I want to lean on Him so hard that if He moved I would fall over. That is not a comfortable angle to live life. Trust me. It certainly feels odd a lot of the time, to me, let alone to other people. I am getting used to being appreciated by some, but not frequently that understood. That is more fine than it used to be. But that is what it means to not trust in your own understanding. Or anyone else’s.

So don’t lean on me. I wobble.
Don’t lean on others. They wobble too.
And don’t, whatever you do, lean on yourself. Don’t trust your own knowledge, your own experience, or your own insight. All of that will fail. But if you lean with your entire weight, your entire doubt, your entire soul and your entire destiny on the God who loves you, made you and frees you to follow Him, I know you won’t ever be bored, apathetic or purposeless. Also, crucially, you won’t fall on top of anyone else and squash their purpose too.

So whose side are you leaning on?